for who so firm

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just trying to be human

sometimes i think that ppl are more excited about me being me than i am


"TURN DOWN" my copilot screams, trying to grab the airplane’s controls from me

"TURN DOWN FOR WHAT" i scream back as i icarus this bitch

(Source: saturdaynightbigcocksalaryman, via inluminatus)


You’re the worst, I love you.




i’ve never seen something so accurate

(via autopilotoff)


last night kit came over and we blacked out and woke up on a mattress that was not there before and this picture was on her phone of me in a high school parking lot that’s two miles away I have no idea how this happened but I like it

additionally there is a video of conor zombie walking and i was late to my new job bc i was so tired but i didn’t get fired woo

The Worry Poem

29. July 2014


i guess it would be wandering through a field at night where everyone is 
only there to stargaze, and they came alone, and they hoped
someone specific at the last minute would show up to join them or at least
text them back and the light of their phonescreen would feel somewhat
like shared body heat 

and there is a girl somewhere in the field and you lie next to her at first
only because she is there like you are there, under similar circumstances,
staving off similar fears and she says

'i'm worried about going to sleep and not having anything to look forward 
to in the morning’ 
and a voice from somewhere else, some other black shape stretched out in the
black grass says 
'i'm worried that my best friend wants to smoke up with other people in the city instead of hanging out with me in the suburbs. and not just for like a day. for like, forever'
and you realize actually they are worried about the exact same thing
all dressed up differently, stripped down scary

and then some shuffling, feet reaching through grass towards Other People
then some voice, some boy sick of running out of breath, not running at all
'i'm worried i'll be that 40 year old guy at the bar still whining about the one that got away'
and a girl distant says ‘i’m worried i messed things up for good by crying at my boyfriend’s mom’s birthday party’
and a girl with her knees up by her chin says to no one but secretly
to everyone ‘he tells me i’m good enough but i’m not good enough.’
and a silhouette with a face you cant make out but you’re sure if you could
it would be beautiful says ‘i want love to be more than an abstract concept’

and a boy who keeps checking his phone says ‘i worry i take up too much space in other people’s lives’

and a ghost above your head says ‘I’m worried that I’m going to spend all my life waiting for something great to happen and for everything to finally make sense and it’s never going to happen and then when i’m old I realize my entire life was meaningless’
and then for a little everyone is quiet

and then a girl standing while everyone else is laying looking up says
'i keep having these dreams, like ever since i was 4, of dying young. 
and now i’m 19 and i’m still alive and i’m afraid if i make it to 20 i’ll assume
i have all this time and i’ll start wasting my life’

and everyone is afraid they are wasting their life
and everyone is in love with the wrong person
and everyone is afraid they will never have thier Great Adventure
and that This Is All There Is
and that they’re missing out
and you’re afraid of it too
and you want to be magical and rare and heroic
and you feel very lackluster 
and what if you never become anything
and what if you never become a real writer
no but wait what if you never become a real writer

and your stomach burns when you are up too late thinking about her
and how your parents dont want you to kiss her
and you still do not know who you are and what if you dont ever
and you wonder if a zombie that drags itself around longer
is better than someone truly alive that dies quicker
and you are sick with knowing someone else is kissing her

i never put selfies here